#18 Whole Success Weekly Newsletter​
​​Real Tools to create more freedom in your career & your life​
​By Jessica Berg, Somatic & Inner Child Reparenting Coach​
​~6-MINUTE READ

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Hi Reader,

Last week I wrote about the power of space. How creating room inside your days opens clarity, presence, and opportunities you didn’t even know were waiting for you.

And...here’s the truth:
​You can’t have space without boundaries.

Real space, the kind that brings you back to yourself...

is impossible without them.

And I know you’ve lived some version of this cycle:

You hit a breaking point.
You vow, “Never again.”
You hold the boundary…for a bit.
Then the pain fades, and the boundary dissolves.

Or sometimes the boundary doesn’t even make it out of the gate.
Because the people-pleasing, guilt, pressure, or “good girl” conditioning kicks in before you even finish the sentence “I can’t.”

So let’s talk about why boundaries feel so damn hard - especially right now, as we head into the holidays, work deadlines, and family obligations.

Because once you understand why your system resists boundaries, you can finally change the pattern.

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Why Boundaries Feel So Hard (with science to back it up)

1. We weren’t raised with healthy boundary modeling.

Most of us were taught from childhood:
​
Be easy.
Be polite.
Be helpful.
Be “good.”
Don’t say no.
Be agreeable.
Don’t upset anyone.

According to research from the University of Arizona, children who are socialized to “fawn” (prioritizing others’ comfort over their own needs) struggle significantly more with boundaries in adulthood.

We learned compliance before we learned self-honoring.

So of course boundaries feel selfish, rude, or foreign.

In week 4 of the RISE Collective, when I ask women how boundaries feel, they initially say:

“Selfish.”
“Anxiety-inducing.”
“Like I’m disappointing someone.”
“Necessary, but terrifying to actually implement.”

That’s not a personality trait, it’s conditioning.

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2. Your nervous system interprets boundaries as danger, not empowerment.

Steven Kessler’s work on the 5 Personality Patterns shows something profound:

Nearly every pattern responds to overwhelm with some version of people-pleasing.

Not because you're weak.
But because your system learned:

“If I make others comfortable → I stay safe.”

So the second you try to set a boundary, your brain throws out all its alarms:

“They’ll be upset.”
“They’ll pull away.”
“They’ll think I’m selfish.”
“I’m going to hurt them.”

This isn't logic.
This is protection.

If you want to start understanding your own patterns, here’s the quiz I made, it’ll show you your system’s dominant protector.

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3. When we break our boundaries, we’re saying no to ourselves.

This part is important.

Every time we say yes when we mean no,
we’re not “being nice.”
We’re not “helping.”
We’re not “keeping the peace.”

We’re abandoning ourselves.

We’re saying:
“My needs don’t matter as much as theirs.”

But here’s the truth I remind clients of constantly:

There is no relationship more important than the one you have with yourself.

Because how you treat YOU determines the version of you everyone else gets:

A rested you = Kind. Present. Soft.

A depleted you = Irritable. Distant. Running on fumes.

Boundaries aren’t selfish.
They’re relational care.

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So how do you start creating boundaries you can actually hold?

Here are two practices to start with this week:

1. Name what you’re REALLY saying yes/no to.

Before you respond to anything, pause.
Ask yourself:
If I say yes, what am I saying no to?
If I say no, what am I saying yes to?

Sometimes the clarity alone is enough to shift the choice.

Example: Boss asks you to join a call early / come in early - I.e. 8am vs. your normal 8:30am/9am start time.
​
If you say yes...

• You're saying YES to appease the boss, address the work they've prioritized.
  • You're also saying yes to shuffling your kids out the door more hurried.
  • You're saying yes to a more frantic morning.
  • You're saying yes to a more stressed you.
• Which means you're saying NO to a more patient version of you for your kids. You're saying NO to experiencing your days more calm. You're saying NO to self-love.
  ​
  I.e. No to those you love the most, how you experience your life that day and YOU
  ​
  Result: Happy boss. Irritable, stressed and pissy version of you for your kids, you and your husband. Which then adds to guilt and self-loathing.

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2. Feel it in your body, not your mind
​(your body never lies - your mind can play tricks on you).

Your body knows your truth before your mind does.

Try this simple somatic boundary test:

Think of an obvious “yes” - something easy, like “Do I want to go to [insert dream destination]?”
​
​Notice the sensations.

Then think of an obvious “no” - something like “Do I want to work on Sunday night?”
​
​You’ll feel the contrast:

Expansion vs. contraction
Openness vs. tension
Leaning in vs. pulling away

Now bring in the boundary you're currently struggling with, and feel it the same way.
​
​Your body will tell you the truth instantly.

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✨ Holiday gift for you 🎁

Since this season brings its own set of pressures, I've been creating something to support you through it: something simple, grounded, and easy to return to when you feel stretched thin.

More details to come on Tuesday. But be sure to check your inbox next week as you'll have a powerful gift from me that’s a beautiful way to stay rooted in yourself while everything around you speeds up.

​

With love...always,

Jessica

PS: Check out the upcoming retreat in April that I'll be participating in! Would love to have you there👇🏽

The Power of One - Dominican Republic April 16th-19th​
​I'm absolutely elated to share that I've been asked to be a part of a powerful women's retreat next April in the Dominican Republic.

​The Power of One is a soulful gathering designed to spark profound transformation through one wholehearted YES - to yourself, your dreams, and the life you’re ready to claim.

Join me and 7 other facilitators for an incredible experience,
​April 16-19, 2026

How I can support your journey

1. ​The RISE Collective: My flagship Women's Program starts Feb 10th
2. ​1:1 Coaching: 1 Spot currently available

I hope this encourages you to love all parts of yourself, even the sharper edges❤️